My life is about personal challenges and small victories. Each day I awaken to the idea of a brand new page in my book and though I may be feeling weary, I must find a way to fill that page with more than that weariness.
Let me begin by saying that I am exhausted. Most moms are, right? I'm not exhausted as a result of unruly children, rather the circumstances by which my children and I have come to live with. Two Marriages. Two Traumatic endings leading to divorce. Three incredibly resilient and amazing children. I'd like to say that I've come through both of these relationships without damage, but let's face it, that's just not realistic. In fact, I'm still discovering just how effected I truly am by this series of unfortunate events. Add to this self discovery, the constant worry about how my children will be effected as they cultivate relationships; trying to figure out how to function in a new relationship and realizing how clueless I suddenly feel; juggling work schedules of multiple jobs; trying to keep up with the kids' schedules; worrying that I will somehow always be coming up short....the list seems endless.
Most days I am emotionally spent before the first hour is up. My mind is never quiet. At night I struggle to fall asleep, although I willfully spend my days expending any and all physical energy I may have. I can't control the outside stressors in my life. They will pop up any and everywhere. It will eat me alive if I let it. I've resorted to finding the small victories through setting short term goals or random personal challenges, often physical in nature, because this is something I can do and not feel helpless.
Fitness is a personal choice I made a few years ago. I wanted to lose weight just as much as any woman would, but more than that, I wanted to become as healthy as I could for "whatever life might throw at me"...who knew I'd be in The Hunger Games of emotional warfare.
Through pursuing small fitness goals I have found myself better equipped to deal mentally. It's amazing how pushing your body to your own personal limits can force you to connect with yourself, thereby disconnecting from the things that are emotionally draining you.
Today, I loaded my $25 thrift store bicycle with attached toddler seat (that cost more than the bike) onto my handy little bike rack (also, cost more than the bike) to venture out for only the second time. The first time we rode was more of a "test run" where we remained close to home and didn't stay out very long. (As posted previously.) Today, I knew I had a little more than an hour to fill and I'd be damned if I wasn't going to push myself to use every last minute.
We are blessed to have some fantastically manicured trails around here and the weather today was a balmy 80 degrees, sunshine and blue skies all the way without humidity. As you can imagine, this ride was completely comfortable, aside from the horrible bike seat, of course! Who designs those things anyway!? Five miles out was delightfully easy as the trail descends slightly most of that way. I was able to become lost in the pure peace of the breeze, the luscious green trees, the pace of the tires against the stony path. My son was pleasantly cooperative, still groggy having fallen asleep in the car on the drive over.
The return five miles was definitely more of a task. That slight descend that I had appreciated during the first half became a steady burn in my quads and knees as I pressed on the incline. My son's cheers provided an adorable source of motivation behind me, "You can do it, Mommy," in the home stretch.
I began to think as I made that trek back. Why do I do this? Why do I decide to try new things that I could struggle and even fail or disappoint myself? Why do I push my limits, continually forcing myself to press just a bit farther when I think I just need to quit? Why do I choose this fitness oriented lifestyle?
I could answer my own questions pretty quickly. I think...
This hurts...
But, it makes me strong and reminds me I am capable.
This is time consuming...
But, it gets me off the couch, forces me to breathe deeply and clears my head.
This is hard...
But, it makes me feel empowered!
I'm tired...
But rather than draining me, I know this will energize me.
I'm stressed...
But, this will give me the release I need.
There will always be a reason why I maybe "don't wanna" and I'm sure I will always be able to come up with a relatively easy excuse to miss a workout or not push myself to try something new or become better at something I already do. What's important is that I always find my way back to making these personal challenges a priority because ultimately the benefits are well worth that effort.
Start small. Make it personal because it truly is all about you. Go out and find your challenge, exceed your expectations and pat yourself on the back for a job well done!
Let me begin by saying that I am exhausted. Most moms are, right? I'm not exhausted as a result of unruly children, rather the circumstances by which my children and I have come to live with. Two Marriages. Two Traumatic endings leading to divorce. Three incredibly resilient and amazing children. I'd like to say that I've come through both of these relationships without damage, but let's face it, that's just not realistic. In fact, I'm still discovering just how effected I truly am by this series of unfortunate events. Add to this self discovery, the constant worry about how my children will be effected as they cultivate relationships; trying to figure out how to function in a new relationship and realizing how clueless I suddenly feel; juggling work schedules of multiple jobs; trying to keep up with the kids' schedules; worrying that I will somehow always be coming up short....the list seems endless.
Most days I am emotionally spent before the first hour is up. My mind is never quiet. At night I struggle to fall asleep, although I willfully spend my days expending any and all physical energy I may have. I can't control the outside stressors in my life. They will pop up any and everywhere. It will eat me alive if I let it. I've resorted to finding the small victories through setting short term goals or random personal challenges, often physical in nature, because this is something I can do and not feel helpless.
Fitness is a personal choice I made a few years ago. I wanted to lose weight just as much as any woman would, but more than that, I wanted to become as healthy as I could for "whatever life might throw at me"...who knew I'd be in The Hunger Games of emotional warfare.
Through pursuing small fitness goals I have found myself better equipped to deal mentally. It's amazing how pushing your body to your own personal limits can force you to connect with yourself, thereby disconnecting from the things that are emotionally draining you.
Today, I loaded my $25 thrift store bicycle with attached toddler seat (that cost more than the bike) onto my handy little bike rack (also, cost more than the bike) to venture out for only the second time. The first time we rode was more of a "test run" where we remained close to home and didn't stay out very long. (As posted previously.) Today, I knew I had a little more than an hour to fill and I'd be damned if I wasn't going to push myself to use every last minute.
We are blessed to have some fantastically manicured trails around here and the weather today was a balmy 80 degrees, sunshine and blue skies all the way without humidity. As you can imagine, this ride was completely comfortable, aside from the horrible bike seat, of course! Who designs those things anyway!? Five miles out was delightfully easy as the trail descends slightly most of that way. I was able to become lost in the pure peace of the breeze, the luscious green trees, the pace of the tires against the stony path. My son was pleasantly cooperative, still groggy having fallen asleep in the car on the drive over.
The return five miles was definitely more of a task. That slight descend that I had appreciated during the first half became a steady burn in my quads and knees as I pressed on the incline. My son's cheers provided an adorable source of motivation behind me, "You can do it, Mommy," in the home stretch.
I began to think as I made that trek back. Why do I do this? Why do I decide to try new things that I could struggle and even fail or disappoint myself? Why do I push my limits, continually forcing myself to press just a bit farther when I think I just need to quit? Why do I choose this fitness oriented lifestyle?
I could answer my own questions pretty quickly. I think...
This hurts...
But, it makes me strong and reminds me I am capable.
This is time consuming...
But, it gets me off the couch, forces me to breathe deeply and clears my head.
This is hard...
But, it makes me feel empowered!
I'm tired...
But rather than draining me, I know this will energize me.
I'm stressed...
But, this will give me the release I need.
There will always be a reason why I maybe "don't wanna" and I'm sure I will always be able to come up with a relatively easy excuse to miss a workout or not push myself to try something new or become better at something I already do. What's important is that I always find my way back to making these personal challenges a priority because ultimately the benefits are well worth that effort.
Start small. Make it personal because it truly is all about you. Go out and find your challenge, exceed your expectations and pat yourself on the back for a job well done!