We all have some kind of fear. Some of us have so many sometimes that it’s almost crippling. In my youth, I would describe myself as “cautiously fearful”. I didn’t have any unhealthy, debilitating fears. I didn’t think too much or worry too much. I was content to just live. Two things happened that I believe changed that for me. I became a mom right before I turned 23. I lost my father to a motorcycle accident nearly 5 months later. Suddenly, life seemed so much more precious. And so much more fleeting. In what seemed like one fell swoop, I was responsible for another life and yet, I was also acutely aware of how I couldn’t protect those I loved from everything, how I had no control over someone else’s life.
I was never much of a risk taker, but this new scary realization made me question and overthink more than I ever had. I now truly knew fear so I began living inside “the box”. The box wasn’t bad. It was safe. It was neat and tidy. It was what I felt in control of. As safe and clean as it was, it was so very stressful because I was always scared of what was outside of that box. I was afraid of the unknown, of what wasn’t accounted for in my system of risk management.
But…. “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” There came a time when I realized some of my fears were holding me back. My life had taken a course that I couldn’t have predicted or prepared for and when I finally reached the point of realizing I could not control it, I felt, oddly, liberated. I became free of worry for a time as I allowed myself to break down the walls with which I’d painstakingly built my “box”. I didn’t become reckless and crazy, but I gave myself room. I granted myself the gift of valuing what is real over what seems perfect. I granted myself the gift of travel as opposed to fear of leaving home and the familiar. I granted myself and others forgiveness for the parts we played in creating my “box”. I gave myself peace and patience and the ability to let go a little. I pushed through some fears and began a process of changing the way I wanted to live. It’s an ongoing battle and one I know I’ll continue to fight for my whole life, but I know that life is better outside of that box.
Trading in the Box for a Bucket....Have you ever made a bucket list? I made one. I remembered when I was younger I had wanted to skydive. Some say that’s crazy, others don’t give it a second thought. The woman I became when I lived inside the box shunned and criticized the idea. It would be irresponsible. But, once I broke down those walls, skydiving was one of the first things on my bucket list. This time it wasn’t just that I liked the idea of the rush or the pretty views. This time the idea of making that jump meant so much more. Taking that jump would mean I was brave, free, full of life. While I don’t believe one is ever entirely fearless, for me that jump would mean that I had what it takes to face and conquer my fears, of which I have many.
Think about what scares you? What makes you need to catch your breath at the mere thought? I don’t mean your fear of spiders and snakes. I mean the things you won’t let yourself do or feel because it makes you vulnerable. Was it a relationship failure? An abuse? Was it an accident or a loss? Is there just an inexplicable reason that you hold yourself back? I have lots of reasons I can identify for allowing myself to be afraid… loss of life, loss of love, failure, disappointment, the need to protect, the need to be “perfect”.
What happens to you when you are afraid? Often, without realizing it, we affect others. When I am afraid I become overprotective, paranoid, and worried. I am now more conscious of these things because I have realized that my children are watching me. They are seeing my reactions. They are feeling the result of my fear when I become helicopter mom. In holding myself back, I believe in some ways I am then holding them back because they may develop those same tendencies. How often do you say the words “I’m turning into my mother!”? I know this, I want my kids to be safe and responsible. I also want them to be BRAVE. So how do you handle your fear? You search your soul. You heal your wounds. You forgive and let go and then face what holds you back. Maybe it isn’t easy. They say nothing worth having or doing ever is.
Would you jump from an airplane trusting that the parachute would unfold and guide you down slowly to let you watch the world spinning at your feet? Literally or metaphorically. I did just that, literally and metaphorically speaking. My fiancé and I tandem jumped just over a year ago. It was scary and exhilarating! The rush was indescribable. The view just as breathtaking as the wind hitting my face at 125mph. That moment, that whole experience, the person I shared it with… were every bit of affirmation that I needed to prove to myself that I could live outside that box. I can tell you with certainty, I AM BRAVE. Now it’s your turn….go be brave.
I was never much of a risk taker, but this new scary realization made me question and overthink more than I ever had. I now truly knew fear so I began living inside “the box”. The box wasn’t bad. It was safe. It was neat and tidy. It was what I felt in control of. As safe and clean as it was, it was so very stressful because I was always scared of what was outside of that box. I was afraid of the unknown, of what wasn’t accounted for in my system of risk management.
But…. “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” There came a time when I realized some of my fears were holding me back. My life had taken a course that I couldn’t have predicted or prepared for and when I finally reached the point of realizing I could not control it, I felt, oddly, liberated. I became free of worry for a time as I allowed myself to break down the walls with which I’d painstakingly built my “box”. I didn’t become reckless and crazy, but I gave myself room. I granted myself the gift of valuing what is real over what seems perfect. I granted myself the gift of travel as opposed to fear of leaving home and the familiar. I granted myself and others forgiveness for the parts we played in creating my “box”. I gave myself peace and patience and the ability to let go a little. I pushed through some fears and began a process of changing the way I wanted to live. It’s an ongoing battle and one I know I’ll continue to fight for my whole life, but I know that life is better outside of that box.
Trading in the Box for a Bucket....Have you ever made a bucket list? I made one. I remembered when I was younger I had wanted to skydive. Some say that’s crazy, others don’t give it a second thought. The woman I became when I lived inside the box shunned and criticized the idea. It would be irresponsible. But, once I broke down those walls, skydiving was one of the first things on my bucket list. This time it wasn’t just that I liked the idea of the rush or the pretty views. This time the idea of making that jump meant so much more. Taking that jump would mean I was brave, free, full of life. While I don’t believe one is ever entirely fearless, for me that jump would mean that I had what it takes to face and conquer my fears, of which I have many.
Think about what scares you? What makes you need to catch your breath at the mere thought? I don’t mean your fear of spiders and snakes. I mean the things you won’t let yourself do or feel because it makes you vulnerable. Was it a relationship failure? An abuse? Was it an accident or a loss? Is there just an inexplicable reason that you hold yourself back? I have lots of reasons I can identify for allowing myself to be afraid… loss of life, loss of love, failure, disappointment, the need to protect, the need to be “perfect”.
What happens to you when you are afraid? Often, without realizing it, we affect others. When I am afraid I become overprotective, paranoid, and worried. I am now more conscious of these things because I have realized that my children are watching me. They are seeing my reactions. They are feeling the result of my fear when I become helicopter mom. In holding myself back, I believe in some ways I am then holding them back because they may develop those same tendencies. How often do you say the words “I’m turning into my mother!”? I know this, I want my kids to be safe and responsible. I also want them to be BRAVE. So how do you handle your fear? You search your soul. You heal your wounds. You forgive and let go and then face what holds you back. Maybe it isn’t easy. They say nothing worth having or doing ever is.
Would you jump from an airplane trusting that the parachute would unfold and guide you down slowly to let you watch the world spinning at your feet? Literally or metaphorically. I did just that, literally and metaphorically speaking. My fiancé and I tandem jumped just over a year ago. It was scary and exhilarating! The rush was indescribable. The view just as breathtaking as the wind hitting my face at 125mph. That moment, that whole experience, the person I shared it with… were every bit of affirmation that I needed to prove to myself that I could live outside that box. I can tell you with certainty, I AM BRAVE. Now it’s your turn….go be brave.